Chicken Little: Diane Tubiera
Henny Penny: Sara Gueory
Darth Vader: Ahmed Hussain
Dread Pirate King: Shannon Largman
Scene I
(CHICKEN LITTLE is sitting on the ground, playing with her X-wing, when a piece of space junk falls on her head. She is surprised.)
CHICKEN LITTLE: “Oh no! The sky is falling! I must tell Henny Penny!”
(CHICKEN LITTLE runs confusedly, trying to find HENNY PENNY.)
CHICKEN LITTLE: “Henny Penny! Henny Penny! Where are you Henny Penny?”
HENNY PENNY: “I’m right here! What happened?”
CHICKEN LITTLE: “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!”
(DARTH VADER appears on the side of the stage, unbeknownst to CHICKEN LITTLE and HENNY PENNY.)
CHICKEN LITTLE: “I was just minding my own business when some sky fell on my head. See, it hit right here! Right there!”
(CHICKEN LITTLE points out a spot on her head)
HENNY PENNY: “Oh no! We must go tell the Pirate King about this horrible event!”
DARTH VADER (to audience): “Hey! Guys! That was not really the sky. It was actually a broken part of my space plane. I don’t want them to tell the Pirate King. I might get in trouble for littering. Hold on! Let me try to stop them. Hehe!” (to CHICKEN LITTLE and HENNY PENNY) “Hey now. No need to tell the king, right? In fact, why don’t you come with Darth Vader to Darth Vader’s spaceship? Darth Vader has candy and magic horses!”
CHICKEN LITTLE: “Sounds like a good idea.” (to AUDIENCE) “Should we go with him?”
AUDIENCE: “NO!”
CHICKEN LITTLE (to AUDIENCE): “Do you think he really has candy and magic horses?”
AUDIENCE: “NO!”
CHICKEN LITTLE (to AUDIENCE): “Alright, we won’t go with him then.” (to DARTH VADER) “No! We won’t go with you!”
DARTH VADER: “This is unfortunate, but Darth Vader does not let you choose.”
(DARTH VADER lunges for CHICKEN LITTLE and HENNY PENNY, but he misses. CHICKEN LITTLE and HENNY PENNY push him down, and after making him fall, they run off stage. DARTH VADER gets up and chases after them)
Scene II
(The DREAD PIRATE KING is sitting down. CHICKEN LITTLE and HENNY PENNY run in.)
DREAD PIRATE KING: “Aye, what be shivering your timbers?”
CHICKEN LITTLE and HENNY PENNY: “The sky is falling! The sky is falling!”
(Enter DARTH VADER)
DARTH VADER: “That was not the sky! That was a part from Darth Vader’s Jedi-destroying spacecraft!”
DREAD PIRATE KING: “Arrrrrr. You be a dirty littering villain! Me parrot concurs. Aye. Your pants, they smell o’ poo.”
DARTH VADER: “How dare you insult Darth Vader? Darth Vader must regain his honor. Darth Vader challenges you to a dance-off. Darth Vader needs a beat. (indignantly:) Darth Vader said, Darth Vader needs a beat!”
(“What is Love?” by Haddaway begins playing. DARTH VADER dances.)
DREAD PIRATE KING (when DARTH VADER has finished): “Arrrrr. That be all? Avast ye scum ridden weevil shagger. The Dread Pirate King is gonna keel haul you and grow barnacles on ye starboard knacker.
(“U Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer begins playing. DREAD PIRATE KING dances.)
DREAD PIRATE KING and DARTH VADER (when DREAD PIRATE KING has finished; addressed to audience): “So, who is the victor?”
CHICKEN LITTLE and HENNY PENNY: “The King!”
DARTH VADER: “Darth Vader accepts defeat. Darth Vader is ashamed for what he has done. Please accept Darth Vader’s apologies.”
DREAD PIRATE KING: “Arrrr, have thee no worries. We will make merry like men who ‘ave robbed that scourge the Royal Navy. Let us all dance.”
(“Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” by C+C Music Factory begins playing. Everybody dances in a Ring-Around-The-Rosie formation.)
DREAD PIRATE KING: And verily, everyone lived happily ever after.
Fin.
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I sincerely hope you are wondering, "WTF?" This is a play my friend Shannon and I wrote together for our Theatre Arts class in our senior year. The assignment was to perform any children's story or fairy tale for the kids at the YMCA day care right next to our high school. Every other group in every theatre class, including our own, did traditional renditions of such classics as Jack and the Beanstalk, Little Red Riding Hood, and the Three Little Pigs. We didn't. We wanted to be as hilarious as possible. Since we were to perform in front of teenagers and toddlers, the only humor applicable was absurdist, which has almost universal appeal (uppity critics will frown upon such antics, but they're really just trying to contain their roaring laughter). Our costumes were the best in the class (the teacher had no problem pointing this out). The two girls were decked out in feathers, one all yellow, the other all white, with matching beak masks. Shannon had baggy pants rolled up to his knees, a shiny shirt, the classic eye patch, a parrot, and the typical hat. I had the Vader mask (luckily, this was assigned right before Halloween), black cape, black pants, and motorcycle gloves. Shannon nailed the Rasta/Pirate hybrid accent, and I did a respectable, if I may say so myself, James Earl Jones voice. My stage fall was perfect. The dancing was side-splittingly crazy.
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