The Wedding

Finally, the wedding post. I've been putting this off for a while now because I don't know where to start. And I have lots to talk about.

My immediate family flew in to Toronto for my cousin's wedding. The one getting married, Raees, is a first cousin, the middle of three brothers. Their mom is my dad's sister. The bride's family traditionally organizes the wedding. Most of them live in Canada, and most of our side lives in Pakistan, so the turnout was heavily stacked in favor of the girl. Representing the Hussains were my sister and parents, the groom's immediate family, and the families of two of my dad's cousins. Four of my grandmother's brothers also attended, but most live in North America. My dad's parents weren't able to attend, so you will notice in some of the pictures the groom is on the phone--he's talking to them.

There are four ceremonies in a Pakistani wedding. Each is supposed to occur on consecutive evenings. I won't get into the purpose of each ceremony right now. Suffice to say, almost all wedding traditions were borrowed/stolen from the Indians so many of us profess to hate.

First up was the Bhari, which is only for the women. The groom's women go to the bride's women and present the dowry. I don't really know what happened. It's a girl thing.

Second was the Mehndi, for which all my cousins were practising. At the Mehndi, the groom's family and the bride's family present dances that they have practiced in a sort of Pakistani danceoff. I found that I couldn't dance without wearing a Darth Vader mask, so I respectfully abstained. The bride's family immediately created some friction when they asked all the men in the audience to leave during part of their dance routine, in which a normally hijab'd woman had to take off her head covering to break it down. What the hell? Did you think I was going to rape you if I saw your hair? I'm 18, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but did you really need to be protected from the salacious eyes of the 7 year olds as well? Give me a break. It seemed this was strikingly idiotic only to my dad and one of his cousins. Sometimes I hate my family.

Third was the nikkah. All of the pictures in the album are from the nikkah, except for those of the baby. This is the ceremony in which the couple are officially hitched, both legally and religiously. A preacher preaches, a Koran reader reads from the Koran, and the engaged couple is married. Then everyone eats. Hurray! Except the bride's family took the liberty of putting together mindless and sickeningly over-enthusiastic speeches praising the girl. They even made a Letterman style video of the Top 10 Things You Should Know About Sarah. *gag* Everyone was crying, making scenes. Whenever the camera man focused on particular people, they started crying. The cameraman wasn't that ugly. Fake people are annoying.

Then the fun really started. This was the first Paki wedding that I've attended since I was a toddler, so it was pretty much all new to me. I didn't know about a very funny tradition that the Hussains have...

As in most cultures, on the wedding night the couple gets their groove on. In Paki weddings, the groom and the bride are handed over to the guy's family to drive them to the Site of Consummation. Normally this just means an uncle drops the two at a hotel and helps them bring some luggage to the room. No big deal. Everyone knows what occurs shortly after. That's what normally happens.

Here's what goes down in the Hussain family.

The twenty people closest to the groom pile into cars, following the couple and the designated driver to the hotel. Everyone helps with bags and congratulates the newly married. I appoint myself guru and teach Raees everything I know about sex. This takes thirty seconds.

Things get weird when the whole party follows them up to the room. Wanting to get one last look at their cousin as a virgin?

No.

Someone blockades the door. Another demands money. The bride is shocked. She has no idea wtf is happening. Rabble ensues. Now the adults are getting into it. Give us money or the door stays closed. I have nothing on me! Well then, let's go back to the cars.

This is at 1 am. Some of us were shouting. Thankfully, no one complained.

In our wedding finery, we go to Tim Horton's. We run a $70 tab on coffee and donuts, picked up by the groom's credit card. We have commandeered the entire coffee shop. The adults loudly share stories of previous consummation pranks as the bride still has a shocked/awkward look on her face. You can see tired horniness in the groom's eyes. Finally, he gives in. Everyone under 20 receives a $100 bill (he was lying). We return the couple to their room at 4am.

The best part was hearing about the more elaborate pranks. One time, the family got access to the room beforehand and sawed halfway through each of the bed legs. When push came to shove, the bed collapsed. The wife had to go to the emergency room. She required 13 internal stitches. They are still married.

I made my cousins promise me that the prank on me will be epic. I will be ticked off no matter what, but it will help if I'm impressed, too.

Hanging out with the cousins was awesome. They haven't changed much in the 4 years since I last saw them, and I'm looking forward to seeing all of them-and more-in December for the final ceremony of the wedding (we wanted to have at least one part in Pakistan so that our side could show in force).

Pictures here.
Gmail account required, I believe.
Taken with a film SLR. I had a photo CD made when the film was developed.